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August 17th, 2003
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Researcher Says Stonehenge Is Model Of Female Genitalia; Has Never Seen Either |
Study Characterizes Ancients As Troubled Loners With Unhealthy Sexual Obsessions
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Science - The mythical Stonehenge, a stone monument whose purpose and history has baffled historians for centuries, is actually designed to resemble female genitalia, says a Harvard researcher who has never seen Stonehenge or a vulva.
"Current research on Stonehenge reveals that, when it was complete, it formed a graceful, circular pattern" says Harvard anthropologist Stan Rosenberg. "Based on careful study of diagrams and eyewitness reports of the female genital region, it appears that the feminine anatomy follows a strikingly similar pattern."
According to Rosenberg's theory, the outer ring of stones represents the labia majora; the inner ring represents the labia minora; and the stone altar in the center represents the clitoris.
Reviewing the evidence, Rosenberg says, "The similarity is so strong, one cannot help but reach the conclusion that one was modeled after the other. The available literature strongly indicates that the external female genitalia have existed since long before the construction of Stonehenge; therefore, the only logical conclusion is that the latter was modeled after the former."
Rosenberg suggested that the historic monument be renamed "Stonehooch" to reflect this new discovery.
The anthropologist admitted that the reason for constructing a monument to resemble the vulva is not at all clear. "Perhaps it was to serve as an educational tool for people who have never seen the vulva, which is, of course, almost everyone," he suggests.
In addition to never having seen female sexual organs, Rosenberg has also never been to Stonehenge itself. He expects that, once his research is published and widely accepted, he will receive financing for further research, allowing him to travel to the Stonehenge site. "The educational value of actually being present at the Stonehenge site, as opposed to examining diagrams, is immeasurable," he explains. "Of course, the same is true of that which it is modeled after, but I'm trying to set realistic goals here."
In addition to his Stonehenge theory, Rosenberg believes the pyramids of Egypt are built to resemble female breasts and that the Grand Canyon represents a giant ass crack.
As an anthropologist, Rosenberg is most interested not in the monuments themselves, but in what they tell us about the people and cultures that created them. "I think I'm starting to see a pattern here," he says. "It seems that many ancient peoples had an obsessive preoccupation with the female body. Everywhere they looked they saw breasts, buttocks, nipples and labia. They saw these things where they did not exist and, when necessary, they even created them. Which tells us one thing: they were some lonely, perverted motherfuckers."
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