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October 23rd, 2003
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New $20 Bill Has Hidden Satanic Messages |
Sinister Currency May Turn Ordinary Americans Into Evildoers
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U.S. - The new $20 bill, redesigned by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing to thwart counterfeiters and put into circulation earlier this month, contains secret messages praising Satan and his followers, sharp-eyed observers have found.
At the top-right corner of the bill are what appear at first glance to be a series of small vertical bars. Under magnification, however, the markings clearly form the words "Satan is your master," printed backward.
On close inspection, numerous other sinister messages and occult icons can be found. When the front of the bill is viewed under a microscope, a horned, pitchfork-wielding devil can be seen peeking out from behind Andrew Jackson's bushy left eyebrow. When exposed to ultraviolet light, the bill displays a faint watermark image of George Washington, Jesus and Martin Luther King being tortured in the fires of hell. And when rubbed rapidly with a moist pencil eraser - a counterfeit detection technique known as the "litmus configuration" - the bill will play the opening bars of Hotel California.
Other rumors about the new money are unconfirmed, including claims that it contains the entire text of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, naked pictures of Liza Minnelli, and the cryptic words "I buried Yoko."
Americans quickly became alarmed by these revelations about the nation's currency. The parents of 15-year-old Dwight Madden, a high school student in Boise, Idaho, are suing the U.S. government for $7 million, claiming that their son has been lured into a life of wickedness ever since laying eyes on the bill. Madden's parents claim that he has dropped out of school, begun using drugs, become increasingly violent, and started listening to Creed.
Although the harm that can be caused by exposure to the bill is not yet certain, public health groups are warning Americans that they should avoid contact with the new money, or risk being afflicted with greed, arrogance, malice and other vices.
Lawyers, spammers and members of Congress will be unaffected.
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