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August 27th, 2003
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Ten Commandments Removed From Courthouse; Stash Of Kiddie Porn Found |
Illicit Sexual Material Not What The Lord Had In Mind
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U.S. - The nation reacted with shock today when a monument of the Ten Commandments was removed from an Alabama courthouse, only to reveal a cache of child pornography that was hidden underneath. The materials were apparently concealed there by Judge Richard Morrison, the very man who arranged for the monument's installation and fought bitterly against its removal.
"The materials we found under the Ten Commandments were quite disturbing," says Capt. Mark Dickens, the police officer in charge of the Alabama sex crimes unit. "They depict Judge Morrison engaging in unnatural acts with dozens of young boys and girls. We believe that at least three Commandments have been broken here."
Police are investigating whether the materials also take the Lord's name in vain or depict explicit acts of coveting.
A U.S. District Court ruled that the presence of the monument on courthouse grounds violated the First Amendment to the Constitution, which prohibits the establishment of religion, and has been broadly interpreted to forbid religious icons and activities on government-funded property.
The Constitution does not explicitly outlaw the concealment of child pornography on government property, although most legal scholars think that the issue was not purposefully omitted by the framers of the Constitution, but rather inadvertently overlooked. "When Thomas Jefferson was drafting the Bill of Rights, kiddie porn wasn't really on his mind," says Harvard Law professor Charles Perry. "He was thinking more about civil rights and the separation of powers. Oh yeah, and slave fucking."
Although some refused to believe that a judge with such devotion to Christian values could possess this exploitative material, others were not surprised. "The only thing amazing about this case is the fact that the judge went to the trouble of hiding the material under a two-ton granite monument, instead of his attic or basement," says Capt. Dickens. "What's not amazing is that he had it in the first place. Clearly, the guy's some kind of Jesus freak. You expect him to be fucked in the head."
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