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December 7th, 2002
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Iraq Gets D-Minus on U.N. Weapons Report |
Saddam Berated for Incompleteness, Deception, Poor Grammar
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World - Chief U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix has given the 10,000-page report on weapons of mass destruction submitted by Iraq's Saddam Hussein a grade of 'D-minus,' sources say.
"I'm very disappointed with Saddam's work," Blix said in a hastily-called press conference. "I was expecting more than this. He simply does not apply himself."
Blix went on to cite numerous deficiencies in the report, including failure to account for the activities of chemical manufacturing facilities in Baghdad and Al Hillah; a purposefully evasive description of imported uranium-enrichment technology; and the repeated use of prepositions at the end of a sentence.
"Blix is an asshole," Saddam complained privately after receiving the poor grade. "I worked really hard on that report. It's got everything he asked for - inventories, maps, the works. He expects everything to be perfect. I swear, he's got it in for me."
"Saddam had plenty of time to do that report, and to do it well," Blix retorted. "The U.N. resolution was passed a month ago. What's he been doing all that time? Watching TV, probably."
Sources say that Saddam has secretly asked Blix for the opportunity to improve his poor grade by doing extra credit.
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