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November 23rd, 2004
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U.S. Soldiers Now Protected By Magnetic Ribbons |
'Ribbons of Freedom' Provide Armor, Inspiration
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U.S. - Committed to giving American troops both physical protection and moral support, the U.S. military is now providing its soldiers with magnetic ribbons bearing encouraging messages such as "Support Our Troops" and "God Bless the USA," the Pentagon says.
The ribbons, it turns out, are strong enough to protect against bullets from a Kalashnikov rifle or even shrapnel from an improvised explosive device. Even better, they let our men and woman in uniform know that we care.
"We have a new program in place called Operation Ribbons of Freedom, which does two things," says Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. "First, it gives Americans at home the opportunity to provide our troops tangible support, not just a platitude slapped on the bumper of their SUV. Second, it takes care of our pesky little body armor shortage."
The ribbons have several advantages over traditional Kevlar armor. At only two dollars per ribbon, they are much less expensive than Kevlar. They are extremely versatile, and can be used both as body armor and as vehicle armor on tanks and Humvees. In contrast with Kevlar, which takes a long time to manufacture, the ribbons are already available in great abundance. The Pentagon estimates that there are enough magnetic ribbons in the United States to cover every inch of every person and vehicle in the entire U.S. military.
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| There are already enough magnetic ribbons in the United States to cover every inch of every person and vehicle in the entire U.S. military. |
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Some fear that the brightly colored ribbons may make soldiers wearing them more visible to attackers. Experts in counterinsurgency, however, consider their conspicuousness an advantage. Potential foes, they say, will be intimidated by the messages of hope and freedom that the ribbons bear. Secretary Rumsfeld even says that the ribbons are beginning to "break the back" of the insurgency by helping to win the war of ideas.
One member of an Iraqi resistance group interviewed by Confusion Road corroborates that analysis. "Last week, there were five of us preparing to ambush a U.S. patrol in Fallujah," he recalls. "As they passed by, we sprang from our hiding places and prepared to fire. But then, we saw their vehicles covered with those hateful red, white and blue ribbons. They said things like, 'Freedom Is Not Free.' We knew that a foe armed with such powerful ideas was invincible, so we dropped our weapons and fled. Damn you, America! Damn you and your colorful, inspirational magnetic ribbons!"
Secretary Rumsfeld urged Americans to send as many magnetic ribbons to Iraq as possible. "If you want to help our soldiers in Iraq, the ribbons are the way to do it," he said. "Don't waste your money by contributing to one of the many charities dedicated to helping the troops and their families. And for heaven's sake, don't waste your time by writing to your Congressman and trying to influence our Iraq policy. Instead, do your patriotic duty and buy lots of magnetic ribbons. That's what our soldiers need more than anything else."
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