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April 27th, 2004

'Dr. Phil' Shot Dead In Homicidal Rampage

12 Dead, 4 Injured In Shooting Spree Authorities Call 'A Cry For Help'

Pre-Obituaries - Author and self-help guru 'Dr. Phil' McGraw was shot and killed by police today after going on a murderous rampage on the set of his television show, killing 12 and wounding four others. He was 53.

The killing spree seemed wildly out of character for McGraw, a professional psychologist whose books, appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, and television program of his own have given support and inspiration to millions.

Police in Hollywood, California, where the killings took place, were less surprised. "We see this sort of thing every day," says Detective Rick Santini, the hard-boiled homicide dick assigned to the case. "What we got here is a textbook case of a perp who fails to take positive steps to control his life, and acts out his frustrations through a burst of violence that reflects a deep-rooted hatred of himself. If I had a dime for every time this happens on the streets."

Chief Jack O'Malley, Santini's grizzled, cigar-chomping boss, agrees. "Yeah, the ballistic evidence shows that McGraw shot two of his victims, and then his gun jammed," O'Malley explains. "Rather than unjamming the weapon, he threw it away and used another one. This is a clear sign of an assailant who would rather avoid conflict and take the path of least resistance than face his problems head-on and build constructive solutions. In cop lingo, we like to say that he 'didn't get real with himself.'"

Shaking his head, he added, "this always happens to poor bastards that ain't got a winning life strategy."

Although fans were shocked by the brutal murders, Santini stressed that McGraw's acts did not make him a bad person. "You gotta understand, guys don't do things like this out of anger or jealousy," he says. "They do it out of a fear of rejection that leads them on a downward slope towards debilitating feelings of inadequacy and self-pity, culminating in an act of extreme self-destructive behavior. He doesn't mean to hurt anybody, really. It's just a cry for help."

Still, Santini emphasized, McGraw has no one to blame but himself. "Ultimately, Dr. Phil failed to identify and confront the behaviors and attitudes that were making him unhappy," he says, taking a long drag on his cigarette. "And if you don't honestly acknowledge your shortcomings, you got no hope of ever changin' them. As we like to say over at the precinct - you gotta face it or replace it, you know?"



Confusion Road prepares obituaries for famous persons in advance of their deaths. Any staff member who makes these 'pre-obituaries' public will be subject to swift and severe punishment.

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